When you find yourself critiquing... stop... counteract it with compliment to yourself and then try to compliment one person on that same thing you critiques yourself for. (Having a bad hair day? Tell yourself your skin is glowing today and tell someone how good their hair looks) When you manufacture positive energy you have no choice but to feel good about it, and even better it spreads! Thats one of the characteristics I love to be known for, optimism/positive energy. With everything that has happened to me in the past few months I hate to admit I lost it all for a while. I was helpless and at rock bottom. But honestly, I can say I am beyond stronger now. I have conquered adversity and my positive energy is finding it's way back and bursting through me again.
I don't want to blame it on where I go to school but honestly the people at my school and the people in the area are nothing compared to the people I want to associate myself with. You know that quote, "surround yourself with those that will lift you up"? Yeah well I know as soon as I graduate I'm getting the heck out of there. I'm currently in a crappy situation. I would transfer today at the drop of the hat, but I'm a junior neuroscience biology major with a minor in psych and chemistry in college and have enough credits to graduate this fall. It seems extremely unreasonable to leave when I only need 11 more credits, have made so many connections with all my professors, and better yet I am SO close to being done. But here's the downfall, I am not myself out there, I am not happy, and I haven't found the people that I truly connect with. So here's the question- to what extent to I sacrifice my happiness and my mental sanity/health? It is such a tough decision and typing it all out now my gut is telling me to stay. Tough out august-December and then I'm done. I will be able to say I overcame so much adversity, gratuated in 3 and 1/2 years as a pre-med with a concentration of neuroscience biology, and did it while playing a D1 sport which will be an incredible feeling. Something I need to do for myself. As someone who doesn't value myself as much as I should, I don't make decisions based on what is best for me. And sometimes what is best for me again is not what I want. What I want is to go home, what's best for me is to clearly stick it out for a semester and then be done. The more I talk about it, the more it excites me. So I stay, my goal will to be myself more, no matter who surrounds me and what they say about me. Deep down I am goofy, caring, loving, positive, loyal, spiritual, and faithful person. Yeah, I fear what people think to much and I need to start doing things to get rid of that fear. In order to inspire others I need to be able to love myself, entirely. For who I am, my value is given by God and no one else. I cannot wait for the day I truly comprehend that. For now I just have to stay patient and not be so hard on myself, this will allow me to confident and accept where I am at right now. It's coming. Things are only going to go up from here.
First day of Lent.
Goals?
No frozen yogurt (major weakness of mine)
Going to compliment one person a day
10 minutes devoted to God.
1. Simplicity
2. Sincerity
3. Joy
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