Staying Strong

Here we go again, 

Why do I struggle so much with confidence?

It's obviously who I am. Never been one to brag or be the center of attention. My actions, grades, everything continuously show that I have something to be confident about. But I think I'm one who seeks reassurance in everything. How do I deal with that? How do I overcome it? 

This whole coach thing is strengthening me. God has a plan. I just have to be patient. Results don't come over night, not in a month, maybe not even in a year but I know they're coming. My faith is too strong. Just continuously have to remind myself to be patient. My joy is coming and it's coming on His timing. I want my timing to be in sync with his. That's what heaven is I think. By having desires and goals this allows me to recognize His power. Because ultimately His plan is far greater than what I could want and He shows it. 

Staying strong. 

Control

Recent circumstances have really showed me this is something I struggle with. I've gone through a lot lately and yes it's been hell, but like they say there's always a good to every bad. Well throughout this rough journey, I have truly learned a lot about myself. Some good, some bad. I am stronger than I give myself credit for, I am becoming even stronger, I have learned who my true friends are, but I am stubborn, insecure, lack confidence, and I feel the need to have control over any thing I encounter. The whole trying to have control over everything is a big problem. Ultimately because the only one thing we can control in life is ourselves. But even deeper, God has control. Anxiety comes from trying to control circumstances that are completely out our hands. When we try to plan our future, it's almost a slap in the face to God. And I'm the first to admit I'm one of the biggest culprits. I tell myself it's not that I don't trust Him, but my actions shout it. I worry so much about controlling my future when I know ultimately God has it all worked out for me. Honestly I think I just see what has happened around me and it scares me so that's what drives this need to control, but then again I know my competitiveness and major do not help in facilitating this as well. Being a pre-med major playing a d1 sport, planning my future has always been a thought in my mind. It's time I learn that I can control my feelings, actions, thoughts, attitude, and desires, but in no means can I control what medical school I will end up at, who I will marry, when I'll get married, the list goes on. This is where F A I T H comes in. As much as we think we can plan our future, God just sits and laughs at us because it is quite ridiculous. When we stop trying to plan our future, not only do we rid ourselves of unnecessary anxiety, we are able to put our energy towards the present moment. We are able to strengthen our relationship with God and experience the joy that comes with this relationship. Having faith in God means trusting His plan for us, trusting His timing, and the outcome that reveals itself. Everything truly does happen for a reason and sometimes we find out that reason and other times we don't. And again, faith comes in when we do not find out the reasons. The beauty of life lies in the fact that when we have full faith in God and put all our trust in him, nothing can surprise us. When we keep our eyes on Him, we are able to see all that He is doing for us, which is all we need. 

Obviously it's easier said than done but that is the beauty of faith, if it was easy it wouldn't be rewarding. We aren't perfect for a reason. When we stop trying to control our lives, we have more time and energy to devote to ourselves, this allows us to make ourselves the best versions of "ourself" we can be. When we do this, we know our values, desires, qualities, and are able to love ourself. That right there is the only tool we need to handle what is thrown our way. 

My goal- less time trying to control, more time given to God.

Transition

Life is just a series of transitions

These transitions are given by God as a way to say "what you have now no longer serves you, here is something better." Some of these transitions come when we want/expect them to, but most come when we least expect them. It is up to us to recognize and accept when one comes along. Having Faith in God that the situation at hand may be crappy now, but you have to know that things get worse so they can get better. We need to think of these transitions as a blessing in disguise. These transitions are perfect situations that are showing us we need to stop and reflect on ourselves; how do I deal with stressful situations, what do I really want out of the situation I am in and you need to tell yourself "I am strong enough to walk away" if the situation does not give you what you want . We need to take the opportunity to be strong enough to say this no longer serves me, the future may be scary but I know it is in God's hands. To me that is the beauty of faith. That fear is what allows us to lean on God and thus strengthen the relationship we have with him. 

Transition- its a powerful thing. If you think about it, they are unique to each individual. Two people going through the same sort of transition can end up on two separate paths and I believe attitude is the biggest determinant of that. If you believe what you are going through is going to ruin your life, you are giving yourself no choice but to believe it. You just foster a negative attitude and it leaves you with nothing but unhappiness. If you believe that this situation was given to you to serve a purpose and you will come out a stronger and wiser person, you are giving yourself the opportunity to see the beauty of God's work. Your optimism, with your faith in God, allows you to soak up everything out of the situation and you are able to overcome it faster and on top. 

Be strong, have faith, and take some chances. Make choices that take you out of your comfort zone. God is always right behind you to catch you if you fall. Thank God for your hardships, you'd be surprised by how much it changes your life. 

Starting to blog the words bottled up inside, let's see how this goes.