Temples of His unending grace

One of my goals this year was to be more active with this blog. Well... it's the end April and I have yet to post. The old me would get all upset and worked up over this, but not anymore. I've experienced this little thing called God's grace and He has shown me the value in knowing and accepting His grace. I recently read a quote that really stuck with me:

"Your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God's grace. And your best days are never so good that you are beyond the need of God's grace."

Man that is so powerful and humbling. If you think about it... we are << t e m p l e s >> of His unending grace . And the craziest part? We don't deserve any of it. I feel we can get so caught up worrying and comparing ourselves to other's lives. When we compare, we start believing that things aren't fair. This desire of "fairness" builds, but as my Pastor beautifully put it: "don't ask for 'fair,' ask for grace. 'Fair' would be paying for our daily sins, and let's be real that would not be pretty. Shift your perspective and start asking for His grace." So when you think about it the definition of grace "unmerited, undeserved, unearned favor," you begin to realize how much we don't deserve Him, yet He continues to give Himself to us: His love. His comfort. His guidance. His refuge. His everything. You begin to realize that nothing you do or do not do changes how He views us. What a flippin' relief. Every hour, every minute, every second of every day He extends Himself to us, inviting us in to be with Him. Period. Let's live as such; anticipating God will intervene any and every second.

After nearly a year passing since submitting my Medical School applications... I have 2 more schools to hear back from. 2. Out of about 30. Did I have hopes this process would have gone differently? You bet. Did I pray that I would have already gotten an interview and been accepted by now? 100%. Did I think that even if I hadn't gotten an interview I would have at least heard back from every school by now? Yup. Have I wanted to accept defeat and start planning what I am going to do next? Oh yes. However, something has been on my heart to just wait, continue to wait before making any moves. This has been one of the toughest, tiresome, draining things I have ever had to go through. I have been pressing into God and accepting His invite to meet Him where I am at as much as I can, praying that I grow with and through Him throughout this process. I am beyond thankful that I have been able to do so as much as I have. I owe it to the support and guidance from my Pastor and dear friends who have allowed me to vent and have poured Jesus in to me, fueling my desire to press in to Him. Recently, I have been playing the new Bethel CD on repeat and the song "Take Courage" struck me the first time I heard it. I am not sure if it is just me, but for some reason certain lyrics don't register or really hit me until specific moments, typically not the first time listening to the song. I began writing out this post and "Take Courage" came on... I stopped in my tracks and just sat mesmerized, listening to every single word. These lyrics could not have come at a more perfect time.

"Take courage, my heart
Stay steadfast my soul
He's in the waiting.
Hold on to your hope
As your triumph unfolds
He's never failing"

He is IN this waiting. And He NEVER fails. Friends, isn't there is something so comforting about that declaration?! He is with us and never fails us. We think having all the answers to every part of our lives will make life so great, but in reality we don't have to have any answer to obey Him. He invites us in and asks us to be with Him. We just have to take the invitation. Pray to Him, praise Him, talk to Him, sit with Him. Shifting our perspective to make Him and His vision our priority is the answer and friends, let me tell you, it changes everything; we start to see HIM in everything.

Waiting = obeying God. (my previous post is actually about this too.. clearly there's a theme here. That post can be found here!)

It takes courage to chose to trust Him and not doubt.
It takes courage to chose to hold on to the hope He gives and not run to earthly desires.
It takes courage to chose to stand in confidence in His truths and not hide in fear and the lies we tell ourselves.

Funny thing is... He gives us the courage we need when we choose Him. HE NEVER FAILS. Let's all choose Him with confidence knowing He fills us with courage and never fails. He has already won friends. And that truth right there is enough to get me through this season. He waited for me to surrender my heart to Him and I will wait for Him to reveal His glory. This waiting may be frustrating, but knowing He is working all things together for MY good. OHHHHH man, I'll wait for that. And I will thank and praise Him for the grace He extends when I disobey.

Thank you LORD for this beautiful reminder. Thank you for the grace you so freely extend to us, daily. Thank you for your invitation to be with You every moment and thank you that none of my actions affect that.
Thank you for Your sovereignty that kindly reminds me that You have gone before me, every single step of this journey. Lord thank you for revealing Yourself to me in those moments I so desperately need You. Thank you for your love and presence that kindly reminds me You are with me every step of this journey. I lift my all my anxieties, worries, doubts, confusion, and frustration up to You, knowing You are working it all together for MY good. I will wait in obedience, knowing that when my time comes, YOUR glory will be revealed. God I thank you for being so patient with me when I disobey You, and teaching me to be patient with myself. Thank you for showing up and showing off, even when I don't ask. Thank you for Your VICTORY.


AMEN.

Acceptance

I have come to realize that I have a hard time with acceptance. I have this vision of what I want my life to look like, now or in the future and I get frustrated/upset when it does not happen the way I invisioned. When I think about it, I know it's absolutely crazy to think I can make my life the way I want it because if there's one thing that's for certain is that all we have control over is our attitude and mind set. Sure, you can have goals, dreams, desires- but by no means should we have a set plan. That's the big guy upstairs' plan. I just have a really hard time accepting that. This does not mean I do not trust God, but I know it definitely comes off that way. I just pray I gain the ability to distinguish what I think I deserve from what God knows I need. This is where one of my favorite prayers comes in:

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the thing a I can, and wisdom to know the difference"

It is so simply said and so powerful. It reminds me of my parents bathroom- my mom had it in a frame sitting on her side of the vanity, a memory I will cherish as I try to live out the prayer. 

Acceptance, I need to truly start  accepting my life in the present moment and I need to let go of my strong planned views. I know God is just laughing up there at me because when I plan all this it basically me saying "my plan is better than yours" which is by all means NOT true. His plan is powerful, loving, and perfect if we truly understand and accept but it's not as easy as it sounds. Even better though, that's the beauty of your relationship with God- you have this desire to think a certain way despite human nature and it's hard yet when you keep the strong desire and faith in God, you will one day have a realization and everything will click, and if the day doesn't come before you pass away not only do you receive ultimate redemption but you go out trying to fulfill it. God is powerful, we just have to tune in to his power. 

Dear Lord,

As I try to focus my thoughts on you throughout the day, please be patient with me when my thoughts go astray. Please understand that my ultimate desire is to be in constant communication with you, that is my deep desire. Through communication with you I can live out your word and shed my light on other people. Do not let me get discouraged when I stray, but give me the strength to recognize it and fix it. Thank you for this relationship you and I have, it is through this where I see your true beauty. Amen. 

Pleasing everyone

I have a hard time with this. I am a people pleaser, and on top of that I worry to much about what people think.

 I waste too much time trying to figure out what people are thinking- ruining myself in the process. Instead of wasting that time trying to figure out what people are thinking, I can be devoting that time to my relationship with God- allowing myself to grow both spiritually and mentally. Until recently, I never realized how much I will alter who I am for other people. These past few months have really opened my eyes to a lot. I thought I understood those saying when people said "enemies? that means you've stood up for what you believe in" or "you can't please everyone, trying to is setting yourself up for failure" but honestly looking back I did not fully understand the meaning behind those quotes. Or maybe it is not that I did not understand, I just did not listen and apply them. Ultimately, either it was because I did not know how or just did not want to make the effort. That being said, I want to make the conscious choice to fully understand the deeper meaning of those sayings/quotes. It is about time. People can go their whole lives trying to please people, but I believe that they are not allowing themselves to reach their ultimate potential. They are stopping themselves from becoming what God has set out for them to be. In other words, they are setting up for a life of unhappiness. I believe t r u e happiness lies with those who have the self-confidence, mental strength, and will power to not only make the choices needed to become the best version of themselves they can be, but to carry them out as well. Whether that is waking up 10 minutes earlier to spend alone time with God, adding exercising into their schedule, finding things to laugh at throughout the day, smiling at a stranger, learning that a relationship may no longer be beneficial, learning to let go of something, and ultimately acknowledging and accepting changes in your life. It takes time to figure out exactly what makes you happy and as time passes the things that make you happy will change. I am still trying to figure it all out, heck we all are. And of course we are never going to get it perfectly right, we are not supposed to. That is the beauty of our relationship with God.He knows what he is doing and He ultimately has our best interest, we just have to trust that. I have found when I do not worry or stress about the things I cannot control I am able to put that energy toward much more beneficial things. 

Do not alter who you are just to please people or to blend in. It takes true strength to stand up for your morals and values. Hey you will lose some friends in the process, but you have to look at it this way- if they were really your friend they would appreciate you for the real you. So if they do not appreciate the real you, I hate to say it but they were never really a true friend. It is time to start making choices for yourself. At the end of the day you are the only one that has to deal with the choices you make, so you might as well chose what is going to make yourself happy. You just have to be okay with knowing that some of those choices will piss people off, and you will find a lot of people who disagree with the way you life but it is not their life it is yours. 

Yes life is serious but nothing is for certain. At the end of the day make the decisions that will make you happy. The people that accept these choices are your true friends (and obviously family).  Love those people who treat you right (the ones who love you, care about the real you, and accept your choices) and forget about those who don't. No one said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it. 

Just to add one of my favorite prayers-

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.