Proverbs 31 Women

Can I get an AMEN?! It is so sad and scary to think how different the virtuous woman depicted in the Bible is from what society values today. Charm, beauty, among all other shallow things are all temporary. We are all so consumed about how people view us (I'm most guilty!), how many likes we can get, or followers (etc) that we go as far as twisting ourselves into something we aren't created to be. We lose sight of our Creator and quite frankly are running in the opposite direction from Him. We are created in his image and each of us are completely and 100% unique- there is no one the same as you, how beautiful is that?! Instead of changing and striving to be like someone else, get close to the Lord and He will mold you into something far greater than you could ever even imagine. Let's empower one another to stop fearing other people's opinions and start fearing the Lord, whose opinion is the only one that matterd. Let us empower one another to forget society's expectations and live loved by our mighty creator. Let us empower one another to stop wasting time conforming to unreal expectations that society values and start using that time to grow with God and let him mold us.

Present Over Perfect

Present Over Perfect by Shauna Niequist. No words to describe how powerful an transforming it was for me. This only touches upon the lessons I've learned reading this book. I recommend this book with my whole heart!

Finding beauty in the quiet times. I've always been the one who creates the most hectic crazy schedule, lives on-the-go, and avoids quiet alone time. After reading Present Over Perfect I've learned so many valuable lessons.
>>1. I am not alone. Society these days is so much about exhausting or starving yourself to get that promotion or the desirable body image on that celebrity everyone adores. We are all in it together, the only difference is what we turn to, to avoid the truth and hurt that comes with it.

>>2. What we turn to is a way of masking and avoiding the fear of what we would truly face and uncover in the alone time. For me it's creating a hectic schedule, striving for perfection, and pushing my body past its limits. For others it can be alcohol, drugs, promiscuity, negativity, anything, you name it.

>>3. All these things prevent us from listening to God's word, truly embracing it, and growing with Him.

>>4. Those things we do to avoid alone time are killing our soul. Striving for perfection is slowly killing my soul. In three of the four Gospels Jesus asks, "What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul." The whole world meaning whatever you've ever wanted- whatever success means to you. Striving to gain the "good life" (whatever it even means), running toward pleasing people to "prove" your worth, striving to make more money to have the fancy things, choosing to work out when your body hasn't slept properly in days, etc. So you achieve it all, under the surface of that perfect life is exhaustion, or isolation, or emptiness. There will be a deep ache from trying to prove your worth. We drain our souls in that exhausting, empty, isolating journey. We push aside something that can feel emotions and connect with people. So why are we so quick to throw our souls aside and drudge along in search of something we wouldn't even be able to enjoy? Reading that wisdom made me realize that's what I've been missing. I've learned that in this alone time I am revealing more and more of my soul. And honestly, I crave alone time more and more now. Especially when I become stressed. Instead of turning to fear and anxiety, I just want to sit in God's presence because it is the only place that is truly safe. Our souls are what allow us to connect- with God, with other people, with nature, with art. Because of this, I've been able to connect with God, people, and nature now more than I ever have in my life.

>>5. I've been so caught up in bending and twisting myself according to others that I didn't even know what I truly enjoyed or what I didn't.
I've learned how to say no- to invitations, things, people, etc. That the freedom that comes from standing up and making a decision because it's what I feel is right for me, not looking to anyone else's opinion on the matter. The meaning of my yes has come to mean so much more, when I do use it. Saying no to busyness just because, to the extra this or that because it's offered, and no to judging myself in the mirror. And saying yes to alone time, to true connection, affirmations, and to things that feed my soul.

>>6. I've learned that I've been hiding my feelings and true emotions; putting on a front to seem strong, never asking for help. That has created someone who doesn't know how to truly feel or know how to open up to people because she never has. I've leaned that in the same way that I didn't allow myself to be taken care of by people, I didn't know how to let myself be taken care of by God. I had struggled with truly grasping God's unconditional love because I've never allowed myself to be loved by anyone else. Numbing my feelings has not only prevented me from feeling hurt, but it has prevented me from feeling true joy, love, and happiness.

>>7. With that mindset of numbing everything and not addressing the hurt, I've been placing a filter on everything I perceive. Between Jesus' voice and even conversations with people.
This book has taught me that what we hear from others and Jesus is filtered through results of what we've gone through and what we've heard from people of influence (whether negative or positive). I had been letting the experience of negative influence filter what I heard from Jesus from what he was really saying. Sitting in alone time has allowed me to recognize that, address it, and work to see things for what they truly are. The friend that doesn't want to come over doesn't mean she doesn't want to hang out with me because "I'm not good enough." The compliments people give to others doesn't mean "I'm not good enough." I've been so trained to expect criticism and disappointment and to push my feelings aside that I was doing that with Jesus. His unconditional love was only felt if I had proven Him I deserved it. I was so quick to pray for forgiveness that I didn't even see what He was trying to say all along. He's telling us that He is not criticizing us for failing, He is extending His hand to pick us up and giving us wisdom to help us figure out why we are falling in the first place. Boy does that change everything. He wants to solve it with us. We just have to ACCEPT his invitation. He gives us endless love, grace, and mercy, we just have to ACCEPT it. When we do, we feel worthy and we can stop trying to find it in other places.

S A V E D B Y C H R I S T >> season of revival and growth

Saved by Christ.

I am kicking myself now for not writing this post sooner, but I have been completely overwhelmed in the best way possible with the way God is working in my life right now. More things have come to fruition than I ever thought was possible. I am gaining new knowledge and wisdom through the Lord daily and He continues to blow my mind.

My last post was right at the beginning of my revival... I had just reconnected with a dear friend/old volleyball teammate from college that I thought I lost, and a dear friend I had played softball with since I was a little girl. It is hard to put into words what exactly they have done for me, but it has been a massive blessing to say the least. God placed these two girls back in my life, at that moment, specifically to guide me back to Him. As I say it, they are God's angels sent by God to save me. Both have shed God's wisdom, love, grace, and mercy on me and have lead me to where I am now.

Friend from college/old teammate: Christina
It had been about 3 years since I had seen her. One day, I got a sudden urge to message her on Facebook; I explained how much I missed her, how I enjoyed seeing all her happiness after leaving CT through Facebook and asked her if she would want to get together. She was overjoyed I had reached out and we met up for coffee that same week. I honestly wasn't sure what to expect, but let me tell you, God knew exactly what was going to happen. Christina opened up and shared her story with me. Her vulnerability was beyond inspiring and her revival with Christ was even more so. I shared what had been going on in the past few years of my life and we were connected on such a deeper level. (Background info: When I first met Christina, back in CT, we immediately connected. As our other teammates would go tanning in between practices on double days; Christina and I would go sit in a lounge talking about life and God. I knew right then that we would be great friends. Christina saw the madness of our coach and was able to escape after her freshman year, hence the 3 years since I had seen her) Anywho, we shared something that I have never been able to share with anyone before. She understood everything I went through in CT because she was once there too. Sharing the same values, beliefs, and views, we encountered the same struggles in CT. She understood what I went through and knew exactly how I felt, which was a huuuge weight lifted off my shoulders in itself. Christina shed light on her healing through J E S U S. She fearlessly explained the truth and power residing in the Gospel. That knowledge from the Gospel comes directly through God and this allows us to connect with Him on the deepest level. Now I am not going to lie, I was born and raised Catholic and the only time I ever picked up and read a Bible was for an assignment for religion classes throughout High School. I didn't know how to read it and how exactly I would get any sort of 'wisdom' out of it and that is what was keeping me from opening it in the first place... but here is where my dear friend I played softball with comes in...

Friend from childhood, softball teammate: Jayme
Back in August of 2015, a group of us teammates got together for dinner. I sat next to Jayme and our other friend Taylor. It almost felt as if we were having our own conversation most of the time... we just reconnected very easily. As soon as Jayme and I got to talking we began to realize how much of the same person we were. We ended up sharing food and this was the start of a my huge revival. From that moment on God sent Jayme after my heart. She continuously invited me to Flood, a church service on Thursday nights. Unfortunately I had a prior engagement on Thursdays; I was training for a half-marathon and Thursdays was a group run. A month later Jayme, Taylor, and I attended a worship night called Ignite and not to be funny... this truly ignited a spark inside me. I had never listened to worship music and never understood the power of it, however that night I was inspired and even more intrigued to try and make Flood one night. Of course God has a funny way of working out. Soon after Ignite, I had received the news that I should not run on my knee because of the extremely crappy condition it is in (3 surgeries later). This meant I would be a fool to continue training and run in the half marathon. Devastated on a whole new level for many reasons; I am never the one to listen to my body, give up on a challenge, or not complete something I said I was going to, to name a few. Unable to run any more... my Thursday nights became free and I attended Flood with Jayme for the first time.
I was immediately overwhelmed and overjoyed with the sense of God's love, a beautiful community, and complete peace with being uncomfortable. Again, I was completely in new waters after attending Catholic masses for 22 years of my life. Yeah it was awkward and uncomfortable because it wasn't what I was used to, but I experienced God's presence and felt God speaking that day more than I had in any Catholic mass I attended in my 22 years of life. That discomfort yet complete peace can only be explained through God. I was terrified and in awe all at the same time. A feeling I now know to follow in a lot places in life.. i.e. going to medical school- it completely terrifies me yet excites me all at the same time. It is how I know I am headed towards where God is leading me.

Flood. Flood. Flood. The magical Thursday nights that have impacted my life in more ways than I can explain. I was immediately captivated by the Pastor, Brian. I love the way he speaks- I am able to soak up every piece of knowledge and wisdom he sheds every Thursday night. He is beyond caring and goes out of his way to ask how my relationship with Jesus is going throughout the week. One night at Flood, Brian explained he was going to hold meetings for those who wanted to teach us how to read the Bible. Completely terrified yet completely compelled, I signed up and met with Brian. I just remember how embarrassed I felt because I didn't even own a Bible!! That day I met with Brian was the day my entire perspective changed... I began seeing things through God. I opened up to Brian, giving him a brief background on my life story. I was explaining the hard times I went through in CT and how I have been continuously asking God why, why I went through that, why didn't I go to another school where I could have been happier, why did I stray so far from Him, the list goes on but as I was speaking that, it hit me, it wasn't until I began to come to Flood, learned God's wisdom and grew closer to Him that if the only reason I was at SHU was to break me enough to get closer to Him, as I am now, then I don't care. All the hurt, all the pain, everything was worth it." Brian immediately opened his Bible and read 2 Corinthians 1:8-10, "For we do not want you to be unaware, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On Him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again." I broke out in tears as he read this to me. This was such a Jesus moment for me. For those that know me, I rarely cry, if ever YET the fact that Brian read three verses in a book of the Bible and I was in tears was straight proof of Jesus. It was unreal. I was there to learn how to read the Bible and I was completely exposed to how much truth it holds, first-hand. Brian taught me some tips and tricks and even bought me my first Bible a special moment that words won't come close to describing. That moment I completely understood the truth the Bible held that Christina was telling me about. Even more so, through the Gospel I have grown so much in God's wisdom it is truly indescribable and blows me away.

I have continually been able to see God's presence and hear His voice in ways I never knew were possible. The truth and wisdom I have acquired over just these past months have shifted my view on EVERYTHING. I cannot wait to grow even deeper with God throughout the rest of my life. Most recently at Flood, Brian said "You never know what things in the past God will use to show you He's been speaking to you all along and pointing you toward what He has next." WOW, how beautiful and spot on is that?! There are many ways I connected with that statement. 1) I met both Jayme in Christina in my past and God used them to show me what He's been speaking to me all along, pointing me to what He has next (my revival!) 2) We don't always see what God is doing now, but you see it on His time, which is the right time; Prior to my revival I was lost and mad at God and wondering why I had gone what I went through, yet looking back I now see what God was doing in my life. I had no idea what I was going through was preparation leading me back to Him. I now want to share my story on how my life is completely changed in the best way possible all because of Him! 3) The things you get out of what He tells you or reveals to you at a certain time can mean something completely different on a different day; I can go back in my journal and read what I wrote about a specific verse and I can connect with THAT same thing I wrote down with a completely different situation and different meaning... that to me just completely blows my mind!! 4) Just because He is silent right now does not mean He is not with you; We have to be okay with the quiet times because they push us to seek Him even harder.

I honestly cannot thank God enough for continually pursuing my heart, loving me even when I strayed, for showing me His presence, for giving me the people in my life who have lead me to Him and continue to push me to grow deeper and stronger in Him, standing alongside me as I continue to gain His wisdom.

<< Saved by His grace. Sitting in His love. Grateful for His mercy. >>

I have never been happier or prouder to say, I am a Child of God!